If we learned anything from comics and movies, it is that the best stuff always comes from outer space on a meteor or something. The universe is a vast, wonderful emptiness, and it’s teeming with radioactive oozes, cosmic rays, and alien symbiote that are just waiting to make us more awesome. Not to mention all of the invincible alien creatures that want to come here and alternately save or destroy our beautiful, already doomed planet.

A few basic things. Venom got his spider powers by bonding with Peter Parker (aka Spider-man), so if he bonded with a normal person, he’d presumably just be a very angry, sludge-covered guy with nasty tongue. On the plus side though, you’d never have to change your clothes again. And the tongue thing could have its advantages…and we’re moving on.

The ooze turned humans into turtle humans or turtles into human turtles, depending on which version you accept, but it didn’t give them any particularly great powers. The Ninja Turtles learned their elite fighting skills from Splinter the old fashioned way, something you could do right now if you were so inclined. Just go to your local Ninjutsu academy and ask the master to change his name. No gunk covered mutation required.

Okay I’m done with the geek power discussion for now. Feel free to continue it in the comments, and speculate on who would win this battle or what you would prefer to have arrive on a meteor from outer space.