I saw two movies this weekend. One was about two people trying to cope with the end of the world. The other was about a male stripper with a heart of gold. Don’t ask how I ended up in the latter. I’ll only say that my friend wanted to go, and I am a very good friend.

It wasn’t so much the blatant male exposure that bothered me (at one point they had a man’s penis directly in front of the camera during an entire conversation), but the obnoxious audience yelling at the screen every time there weren’t gyrating man parts on it.

Certainly part of it was the audience of horny women that was bound to be present on opening weekend, but I think a large part was also owed to the bar inside the movie theater. Human beings weren’t meant to watch movies in public while drunk. We can barely keep from ruining the films for each other as it is. So much is evidenced by the 10 minutes of “Shut off your cell phone” advisories displayed before every flick.

There are several big movies coming up, mainly comic book movies, with Spider-Man rebooting and Batman capping off a trilogy this month. I’m trying to avoid the promos for those, as the level of obsession on blogs has reached the level of trying to determine the entire plot of a film by analyzing the trailers. I seriously found a blog with only a photo gallery that contained a frame from every scene shown so far and far too successful attempts to determine what exactly is going on in each of them and how that relates to everything else.

I don’t want to know. I want to watch the movie with some sense of wonder. If you know what’s going to happen, then what is the point? I bet you read cliff notes and skip to the last chapter first too.